Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category
Hi everyone! There’s this spectrum in the world that exists about boundaries. Some people are a fortress – nothing’s going to infringe on their space or preferences. Some people are completely vulnerable, allowing anyone and anything to take advantage of them.
Doesn’t matter if it’s a love relationship or a family one or a friendship – even strangers you encounter – we all have boundaries that can be defined as somewhere on this spectrum.
I am personally a fortress. I used to not be, but I became one. I’m not saying it’s right, either. I am a hermit and don’t like anyone infringing on my space. If you pop in at my house, I’ll have zero problem telling you I don’t appreciate it and slamming the door shut. Same goes with calling me when you’re not supposed to.
It’s actually quite rude. I’m not friendly – unless I want to be. If I don’t want to do something, I won’t. Period. No guilt gets to me in helping people who annoy me.
The weird thing is, when I want to be friendly and helpful, I can be the Mother Theresa of giving. It just all depends on my mood.
At the other end of the spectrum is the jellyfish with no spine. I have so much spine I’m hardened. That’s not good either. I know this. The jellyfish, though can’t say no. Can’t hurt anyone’s feelings.
I know some people like this and they always get frustrated that they’re taken advantage of, yet they do nothing to correct the problem. For example, someone I know goes to bed pretty early – around 8 PM. Well at 9:30 at night the other night, there’s a knock on the door. A neighbor in her apartment complex wanted to borrow an egg. At 9:30 at night.
Now you might stay up until 11 PM or whatever, but some people don’t – so it’s totally freaking RUDE to knock on someone’s door who you don’t even know and ask to borrow an egg. This lady? She was annoyed, but said, “okay” and gave the lady the egg without a scolding. Me? I would have cussed her out, slammed my door and been pissed. Neither option is a good one.
The perfect option would have been to say, “I don’t mind giving you an egg this time, but I go to bed early so please don’t come over at this time of night anymore.” It’s firm, but not too harsh.
If you’re a service provider, you might not have boundaries with your clients. I didn’t for quite awhile. Some wanted me to come up with ideas for their business. That wasn’t my job! I wasn’t paid to brainstorm your business for you. After I got my overgrown spine, I started saying hell to the no on that.
I have softened up in some areas. My sister made me feel guilt about slamming the door on the poor religious people who solicit at my door, so now I just politely say “no thanks.” I took the time to explain to a Democrat caller the other night that I vote conservative, instead of giving her an earful for calling my house.
I have to control my rudeness. I think it developed so strongly because I was sick of being the jellyfish, so I went from one extreme to the other. Someday maybe I’ll find that middle road.