Fat People Stop Hiding Behind Your Computer
August 22nd, 2011 | 
Author: Hi everyone! This is going to be a sensitive topic for me. And for some of you. But it’s very important because I can’t COUNT the number of times I have gotten emails or seen comments on here from some of you who are not doing video because of your weight. You’re hiding. It’s got to stop. Now.
I was in your shoes once upon a time. I worried that being fat somehow would make people not want to listen to me or see my message because they were so repulsed (and to be honest I’m sure it does some – they can go suck an egg though). I will tell you my weight story this one time and then let’s all embrace our rolls and move onward, shall we?
As a child – I grew up so skinny that doctors thought something was wrong with me. I was tested for everything. My mother said I wouldn’t eat. She had to create faces out of food just for me to give them a try. My medical records say that at age SIX I weighed 22 pounds. Just so you know, Honey was weighed this week and she weighed 12.5 pounds if that gives you any indication of how much a six year old SHOULD weigh. I felt ugly. My mom’s friend used to say I was a poster child for Ethiopia. It hurt my feelings. I had big eyes, a big head, and a horribly skinny body.
As a teen – I had what I now consider the perfect body. I was 5’8′, tall, tan, athletically lean, big boobs and pretty Texas hair. I got all kinds of unwanted attention from men of all ages and girls didn’t like me. Nobody took me seriously and I’m smart – I wanted to be taken seriously. I wasn’t happy then either – but damn it, I looked good, right?
As a young adult – I had a child young (age 22), and that, paired with the fact that my boyfriend was a complete prick who made me feel worthless, set me off on bad eating habits – where finally, I realized food could become a friend – a replacement for those connections I didn’t have with others, except my baby. I started gaining – got up to 190. Moved in with my Mom and worked hard to get back to 135.
As a grown woman – I have struggled up until about 2-3 years ago with the EMOTIONAL aspect of being overweight. Once I hit that 135 level again, I started gaining and gaining. I yo yo’d and my emotional rollercoaster was as bad as the weight loss and gain. I was NEVER fully happy. Not with me. I loved my kids, my work, etc. Not ME. Craig tried getting me to use video a couple of years before I actually did it. I refused. WTH was he thinking asking that of me – didn’t he know I was FAT!?
Now – I finally went to see a nutritionist – just another attempt at losing, I thought. But THIS lady – she took away all of the guilt. That’s what she did for me. I haven’t hidden food since. I haven’t made one apology to anyone (even in my mind) about being fat. I don’t worry if someone’s behind me in the grocery store, feeling apologetic that my fat butt is in front of them – if they don’t like it, they can pretend to read a National Enquirer and block it. I look people in the eyes (I used to walk eyes to the floor).
I make NO apologies for who I am now and if you get to know me, you’ll find I have many wonderful qualities. If you don’t SIMPLY because of my weight, then thank you – I want to distance myself from people with an empty space where their hearts and brains should be.
My weight got up to almost 270. I’ve since lost about 11 pounds because of my vegetarian preferences now, but I don’t diet. Never will again. Guess what else? My cholesterol, blood sugar, blood pressure, etc are all perfect. Year after year. My doctor says sometimes skinny people aren’t healthy and fat people are, and vice versa.
Now for my fellow fatties – I can’t teach you to let go of the guilt and be happy with who you are. I can point you in the direction of the woman who helped ME feel better about myself. I know she’s online, although I saw her in person. Her site is: Healthy Lifestyle Balance – her name is Jennifer. She changed my life. I will owe her forever.
She didn’t just say “don’t feel guilty.” Not at all. She taught me to know when to stop eating – not when FULL, but when not hungry. I used to stuff. But she did act as a psychologist of sorts in nailing down my issues. And I am FREE of all the weight pain I’ve felt in my past. Feels gooooooooooooooooood too let me tell ya! She once got onto me for apologizing for eating a piece of cake for breakfast, asking me if she needed to force me to eat cake every day just to get rid of the guilt and shame. She never once said I had to deny myself ANYthing. Suddenly eating was completely different.
I may not be skinny or even normal. But I AM a happy person who finally, after 40 long years, loves everything about myself. Well maybe not everything – I need a pedicure now and then and I wish I didn’t twitch my nose, but I don’ belittle myself anymore ever. I don’t worry about video marketing.
I think maybe once I’ve had someone flat out call me fat (waiting for the trolls to unsubscribe with a fat comment now lol), but otherwise my personality can be more offensive than my rolls of blubber.
So please, I beg you - work on changing your MINDSET now. I know that once guilt was gone, I never once binged or hid food. I feel no urgency to eat because I know I can always have what I want. I want to see more overweight people on videos without apologizing for it. We’ll be doing this during our branding challenge so I MUST get through to you.
And I want you to read this very carefully:
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Posted in Career
Tiffany -
I hear you! I still don’t have a video out there with me in it, although I do have some small Animoto videos out promoting my new book. It took me 14 years on the Internet to put up a pic, rather than use an icon of some kind.
I still don’t like my pic, but at this point in my life (I am 63), if people don’t like it they can “move along”, as Twitter says!
Wonderful article – and thank you for posting the web link to your nutritionist!
Blessings,
Bonnie
I hear ya on the icon. Did you know the pic I use on tiffanydow.com – I made my son stand sort of above me and shoot down so my double chins didn’t show? LOL!
Hi, Tiffany!
You certainly hit a sore spot with me. I, too, am overweight and afraid of doing any video. However, I’ve recently lost 32 pounds! Woohoo! So I am feeling better about myself, but still not where I’d like to be. I have the same feelings and reservations you had about videos. Ugh…I know I will embrace it before too long and get on the ball. But of course, I’ll have to buy a camera and some other things before I can start that. You are SO right, people just need to get over it and turn away if they don’t like the way we look. So many people automatically think bad things when they see overweight people. My reason for it is having 4 back surgeries and not being able to exercise like I want to. I’m in constant pain. But I have noticed that since I’ve dropped 32 pounds, my back does feel much better. So, I’m on the road to being healthier, only because I want to be, not because of what others think.
Your Texas neighbor!
Deb
Awesome Deb! Glad it’s helping your back
Love your article Tiff
As a fatty myself I stopped caring some times ago and yes I am working on a new niche that will need me to be full on On videos So thanks for removing any doubts I had- Although looking at some videos I agree with JK Rowling(Goddess)
And by the way you are Gorgeous and worth it!
Now I shall look into Jennifer’s site only to see if It can help me lower my Cholesterol and build my heart muscle back up
And yes My screen went last month and it was hell getting the new one working and sopent 1 week seeing everything in widescreen LOL
Cheers
Charles
Aww thanks Charles! I’m not in high cholesterol rates but I did look into keeping my levels and one thing I do is: 2 fish oil pills in the morning and 18 ounces of orange juice per day. Of course I’m vegetarian so that helps too
Hey Tiff,
One 4 oz glass of cayenne pepper tea in the morning and one in the evening will burn the crap out of the stored fat!! And cayenne is really good for you (just google it) – you can even take the pills if you can’t take the heat from the cayenne tea.
John
lol no thanks! no torture for me – not to mention gross tasting. lol
Hey, that’s what the wife says but you know what, it’s not that bad!! It was at first – wife thinks I’m crazy – well probably I am….
Oh by the way, you’re looking good!!!!!
John
Great post, Tiff!
I don’t like my weight at all, but that’s not the thing that stops me.
The only webcam I have right now is a built-in on the laptop and it sucks–BIG time! But that still doesn’t stop me. I could practice with it, except…
In still shots a few years ago I started noticing my smile is crooked. I solve that by either smiling this really big cheesy grin or not smiling at all. No biggie, right?
Last year I did decide to start playing around with video (hate my voice too, but that’s another rant). During the playback I noticed my mouth was crooked. So, I made another thinking I was just being lazy or something.
Nope, mouth is crooked. I don’t know when this happened. I don’t know if I had a mild stroke at some point or what—but right now, it still bothers me too much.
At some point, I will sit down and record myself enough that I WILL get over it, but until then, I’m not doing videos.
Of course, I do have a small double chin that’s starting to show up–but again, that’s another rant and should be gone by the time I do decide I can do vids even with a crooked mouth. LOL
I do have one that’s about 20 seconds I made for FB friends. It’s me sticking my tongue out. I could post that to my blog and find out real quick if people still want to hang with me.
Thanks again for sharing your story. We may not instantly get over our little quirks, but it does help knowing what you struggled with.
Hugs!
Patti
I have a tooth that sticks out. Eh so what? Poke people in the eye with it and move on. LOL Stroke wise, get checked out!
Patti,
Everyone has a crooked mouth. In fact, if we could split our bodies down the middle and put one side on top of the other – none of our features would match up. So please stop dwelling on that fact and worrying about having had a stroke.
That is easily fixed with a flesh-tone lip or eyebrow pencil and a little lipstick when it comes to video or camera.
Holly
Wow, Tiffany . . .
I honestly thought that I was the only one afraid to get in front of the camera because of my weight. I always struggled with my weight, but that year on prednisone to treat my systemic lupus really did me in. (I feel that I look like Jabba the Hutt with eyeglasses.)
I’m not ready to put up a pic yet. In fact, the only picture of me is on my driver’s license! But at least, because of your post, I’m seriously considering it. Thanks.
Tiffany,
There are a lot of “us” out there in the IM world and most of us are avoiding doing videos. I work as a professional Media Makeup Artist and Stylist so this is a problem I hear every photo shoot, no matter the TRUE size of the person I am applying makeup on or Styling. It really is quiet alarming just how unhealthy our self-image issues have become.
To that end I am developing a Makeup and Styling product for the Internet Marketing market. I am currently taking questions and answering them (right away) in hopes of getting a feel for the exact information people are wanting to know. I also intend on including some outside resources over and above the actual makeup and styling information.
I’ve been hiding behind my IM computer for a year now (anniversary last week) and luckily have lost a few pounds (like you, I eat very little meat and limit my sugar intake to 15 grams a day – which means no more 6-packs of Krispy Cremes for breakfast anymore)without actually dieting. I have yet to make a video, but plan on doing so between now and mid-September. I have several videos scheduled for the last week of September for the product, so I have to start getting used to doing them soon.
So here is to all of US. We are okay the way we are (really, I am trying to believe that)!
Holly
Holly I’d be interested in your makeup and styling for internet marketers. Can you put up a link? Is that ok Tiff?
sure!
Second of all — I went through something almost identical to what you have. I gave up dieting and exercising for two years because I was on this awful rollercoaster, wishing I was perfect, starving myself to get there, gaining the weight back and refusing to leave the house because I was “too fat. ”
Nuts, I tell you.
Then I gave up. Got really fat, now I eat different and I don’t hide myself — and I lost sixty pounds. I’m still fat. But I just refuse to imprison myself anymore. I’ve hated myself wayyyyyy too long.
You touched on a sensitive subject for many. I am overweight and in 2009 and 2010 I did videos for weight loss (exercise, chatting about my progress, healthy cooking demonstrations) until I started having problems with my heart again which prevented me from doing all the exercising I was doing and I ended up on bed rest for months. I remember that I felt so weird doing the videos at first but the more I did them, I got over it. I know I’m fat and anyone who looks at my videos knows I’m fat too so if they choose to write an ignorant comment I just delete and block them. I’m not sensitive about it at all now because I know that the scale doesn’t define me as a person.
I was so self conscious that I wouldn’t even want to put up profile photos or I would have to take the shot fifty million times to get the perfect most flattering shot LOL.
My 13 year old told me that she didn’t know if she could handle me being “skinny” because it wouldn’t seems like I was her momma. That’s enough for me-be damned what everyone else thinks! Thanks for sharing a very personal story.
Great post Tiff,
you continue to be an inspiration on so many fronts.
ruth
Tiff,
This is brave, and brilliant, and fabulous, and life-affirming and so many other good things I scarcely can type fast enough. I haven’t done video not because of my fluffiness but because of other silly things. The question you made me ask myself today is, who is not going to learn something they need because I won’t get out of the way? EEK! Completely different way of looking at it. And I love your use of the word freedom–it’s so appropriate! Thanks for continuing to be the woman warrior we all know and appreciate so much. Have a POWERFUL week, Allegra
Actually Tiff you are such a pretty lady and have such a great personality that your weight is not something one notices!
It’s only when you talk about it people will notice. You are happy with yourself – that’s everything!
My God there are certainly worst things in life than being overweight.
I have got to the age when I need a little help from my makeup bag before having a pic taken. To see me as I am on a webcamera would be enough to scare anyone. And usually I’m wearing old jeans and an old sweater covered in dog hairs as my little dog’s hairs are everywhere.
So for my pic I put on my best jumper, do my hair and slap on some make up. When it’s done I put my old things back on and get nice and comfy again.
Yes there are far worse things than being overweight and as long as you are healthy it is not an issue.
If everyone was as good and kind as you are the world would be a better place.
Gaynor
Great post! Weight is something I’ve struggled with as well, and while I’m not completely where I need to be, I’m trying to not let it get to me. At 250 lbs I could still run an 8 minute mile, hike a challenging trail, and my cholesterol and blood pressure were good – so what’s the problem? I do believe for most people the challenge is mental – and I know I was no exception to that one.
Fat, thin, acne prone, crooked smiles, peeling lips, grey hair, ashen faced, crippled, glasses, nose studs, mohawks …….
Who cares? We all have someone who loves us for who we are. What does it matter what anyone else thinks?
You are all beautiful. God does not create crap.
Love and hugs all round xxxx
You’re so right, it’s more important that you feel good about yourself and your body than worrying about what others might think. There will always be someone who’ll be a jerk, no matter how you look. If you look “perfect” then they’d complain about that *lol*
When I started watching your youtube channel almost a year ago I never once thought of you as “fat” until you mentioned it in one of your vids. I was all “Huh? What? Oh… well who gives a sh*t”. It didn’t even register.
And I think the nose twitch is cute! Plus it makes you more of a real person. Not some larger-than-life marketer who acts out a rehearsed script.
I’m not overweight but I can relate to being a stick figure during childhood. I was grossly underweight until about 5 years ago. When I was in school my classmates made fun of me and became pretty mean, every lunch they made barfing sounds when I visited the ladies’ room and things like that.
At first I ignored it but after some time it started to bother me. I tried to gain weight at any cost (despite the doc telling me I was perfectly fine health-wise), which lead to some really bad eating habits over the years – like nutella and butter for breakfast, a bar of chocolte for lunch and a whole lot of emotional eating. How stupid was that?!
Of course now it starts to backfire and my blood count is all over the place. It’s really hard to get rid of a bad habit if you’ve cultivated it long enough =)
As much as I look forward to the branding challenge, the video part REALLY scares the crap out of me! I’m used to weird looks from people (with black-green hair and piercings I got over that fast), but my voice is just horrible! It’s really really squeaky, like a mouse. Maybe I’ll do video with subtitles instead *lol*
Thank you for this post! I had weight loss surgery in December and lost 102 pounds, but I was still feeling like I needed to lose 30 more before recording any videos.
After reading this, I’m definitely reconsidering.
Keeping that J K Rowling quote on my desktop. Sometimes I need something like that to reassure me I am not worthless.
Hey Tiff,
I am not fat ‘per se’ but I have had some self-esteem issues due to the fact that all of my married gal pals had somehow maintained their weights (magic, maybe??) whilst I continued to gain and gain!
For someone who was once skinny like a those razor-thin models you see on TV, being “plump” wasn’t a label I was comfortable with AT ALL!
Video marketing – bring it on!
We’ll tackle it – specially with you as a constant source of inspiration, I don’t think I need to worry.
On the topic of branding – I got hold of two of the books you mentioned –
1. Branding for Dummies &
2. Branding Yourself: How to Use Social Media to Invent or Reinvent Yourself
Could you give out an estimate timing by when we should all gobble up these books and be prepared for the challenge?
I don’t want to be left out of this one as I missed the last challenge. lol
Thanks again for a truly inspiring post.
Shazi
Good for you!!! And I totally agree with the J K Rowling quote. There are far worse things to be in life. I’m so glad to hear that you are are happy with being you. That’s more than a lot of people can say.
Hi Tiff!
Your post today came right out of the blue. I always thought from your videos that you were slim and that’s why you had so much confidence being on camera in your videos.
I’ve been following you for less than a year and kept thinking I couldn’t do videos because I’m not slim like you and had put on a lot of weight over the past few years due to knee problems.
What a laugh you gave me today and what a paradigm shift! Thank you so much – just when you think you’ve got things worked out, someone gives you a boot in the rear and you realize your view of the world isn’t the only one!
Hi Tiff,
Loved this post…………..guess what. I am fat too LOL and have been through similar issues as you. ( spent most of my life fighting the battle….which I never won LOL)
My first hubby left me after 30 yrs marriage because he wasn’t attracted to me anymore because of my weight. Amazing how his leaving actually freed me.
I then married a man who loves me unconditonally and doesn’t care about my size one iota. He really loves me for me.
I did have a flip and did a couple videos……….the funny thing was that thing was thr still pic that shows up before someone starts watching the videos…………..BOY that can be cruel cruel…….I would rather redo the video that show some of those LOL LOL
Keep up the great work…………we dont care what size you are!
not that its my businesses, but that does clear up the whole vegetarian big girl question i had. And not that you were wondering but there are many men on your list who love the fact that you are big and beautiful. why is it that when men look at a big gal the lady automatically assumes the worst. In reality we are just admiring the beauty that God has made.
What was the question about vegetarian/big girl? How can a vegetarian be overweight? LOL! Cokes and oreos, baby!
I actually have the reverse problem of being 27 and around 90 pounds. I’m healthy but I have dealt with skinny jokes and anorexia jokes a good portion of my life. But one of the real reasons I have a problem getting in front of the camera is because I’m so petite and teenage looking that my mother is nervous that would attract the wrong kind of attention and that with all the crazies in the world, putting myself out there on video on the internet would put me in danger of getting messed with or stalked or something. I greatly value her opinion, so even if that’s inaccurate, it doesn’t matter.I don’t think she’d mind if it was local TV or something.
People are cruel both ways – skinny or fat. I love that saying, “I may be fat, but you’re ugly – and I can lose weight.” lol
Hi Tiff
That’s quite a journey you have had and thanks so much for sharing, I think you will help a lot of people to overcome their fears.
I have been “chubby” since I was 18 years old but never more than 42 pounds overweight, but it still stopped me doing so many things through out my life because I was embarrassed about the way I looked, and I never had nice clothes because I was “always going to lose weight”. I joined Weight Watchers and lost 26 pounds and that was an awesome journey reclaiming my self esteem and overcoming that massive psychological hurdle of being able to eat “naughty stuff”, but as WW says there are no forbidden foods.
So I have a whole different mind set now. However, after 2 1/2 years on a low fat diet and with my cholesterol sky rocketing I am trying to eat in the same way that you are, sensibly but allowing treats.
Our experiences sometimes give us the passion for what we do! It took me months before I put a photo on my site because I have rosie red cheeks and when I smile my eyes go all squinty and almost disappear but I got a photo that I liked and made it into a sepia so the rosie cheeks are hidden!
I like me now (although not photogenic) and it has taken me a very long time to be able to say that (now 53) and sometimes I think it is something that comes with age, having a partner and loving friends who accept you the way your are and being able to change your thinking with the right support.
What a wonderful post Tiff. I’m trying to convert pounds into kilos but I need my iphone converter.
Thank you so much for sharing and soul baring. It certainly shows the caliber of person you are, but we knew that anyway. I don’t see a ‘fat’ person on your videos, I see beautiful eyes and a smiling mouth.
I never think of myself as fat (I’m actually classed as obese) as I refuse to look in a mirror, but when I see a photo of myself, I cringe. The only time I look at myself in the mirror is when I’m putting makeup on so I only see my eyes/mouth etc. I’m waiting on weight loss surgery (around 10 months away) as I cannot lose it and it’s affecting my back which is already damaged. It prevents me exercising so vicious circle.
When I turned 50, more than a decade ago, I told myself I no longer had to hold my stomach in when in public. (I was still thin then.) That was very liberating.
What is scaring me now about video is the fact that I lost a tooth next to a front tooth a couple of months ago. I’m self conscious when smiling and find myself stopping in mid laugh when I remember my gap. What makes this even sillier is the fact that I now notice other people’s missing teeth and it doesn’t worry me. It’s my missing tooth making me not perfect! I’m back to the shrink again next week.
I’m expecting delivery of the first of my branding books late this week and am looking forward to the course, with trepidation.
Hey Tiff
Great post. Being fat is a major issue for loads of people. Just look at how much money is being spent on various weight-loss and diets. Yes many people confuse being fat with being unhealthy but quiet often this is not the case as you pointed out.
Both my wives had weight issues mainly brought about by babies. One chose to have surgery to deal with the aftermath the other lost most of it by simply adjusting her eating habits. They will probably never reach the ‘ideal’ figure but both are otherwise perfectly healthy and now happy
Tiff don’t you change a thing. In this quagmire of IM you are the one real person we can all trust.
Great post Tiff – and I have to agree with so many of the above comments.
This quote was in one of my emails and I thought it fitting with the mental side of whatever issue we may be dealing with –
You have been criticising yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.
- Louise Hay
Hey Tiffany God has and allways will love you as you are and he is no respecter of persons.
Hey
If you all are having a bit of spread due to the “advantages” of working at home you’ll get a kick out of this series of comics. The one titled “Loss of Regimen” is what hit my giggle button.
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/working_home
Kater
PS Tiff, sorry for the link leak, but I had to make you laugh.
PPS. Cat lovers take note there are hysterical cat funnies too.
LMAO I love the 1 month in, to 1 yr caveman regression. That’s me for sure!
Hi Tiff,
Just saw this post and holy Toledo you got it in one!!
I am/was just like you. I was scared to death to make a video and put it on YouTube but I’ve done a bunch now and no one has made any comments about appearance so what the heck are was I worried about?
I will not of course, be seen in a bathing suit except at my own home. I still have lots of hangups regarding my looks but I don’t feel guilty any more.
Having been on one diet or another for 55 years starting when only 5 years old, I’m over it.
It’s taken a long time to feel better about myself. I am about 22 lbs lighter than my heaviest which is good and I want to continue to work on it, but no dieting for me any more.
I exercise 5 days a week to keep the old joints moving.
As with you, I went to my doctor in tears because after all these years I still felt terrible about myself. She asked me if she gave me permission to never lose weight would I feel better. I said yes, and she did. I was essentially given permission to be myself and not worry. Now I don’t worry. I am what I am.
So, after that long reply, I agree, don’t be afraid of who you are and just get out there.
I know! It’s because we’re so used to the prejudice I guess? No clue. Read an article today that overweight is now the norm. Not good for health, but good for acceptability. And did you know I posted a pic of me in a swimsuit online last year? Yep! All 200++++++ pounds of me. LOL!
You are a braver woman than me! Well done:)
I am lucky to have a husband who is wonderful and loves me no matter what!
That would be a blessing Deborah!