So I Don’t Want You to Email Me?
July 21st, 2012
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Author: Hi everyone! Last night (wee morning hours) I sent out an email kind of a combo about my work and business models and partly my frustration with the type of people I can only describe as IM panhandlers.
They want free help and don’t want to work. But a few people have either emailed me or commented apologizing for contacting me lately about things.
I want to set the record straight:
1. If you have a specific question and either can’t find the answer online OR really would like to know my opinion on it, I have NO problem with you asking me.
Not broad stuff like “how do you make money online?” but stuff like, “Hey do you allow lending for your Kindle books, because I’m not sure which is best?”
What I dislike are people who say they buy courses, none of them work (LIE) and they just need someone to mentor them. No patience for that anymore. I’m busy – show me you’re working it and I’ll help where I can. But don’t tell me nothing works. It sure does – read ANY of my product reviews and I’ll prove it.
2. I LOVE getting to know you, getting to be friends with you, and being here for you. I don’t mind people emailing me to let me know anything – their dog died, they sure liked something I did, they want to show me what someone else is doing that sickens them, etc.
Stuff like that is being a friend. That’s one of the PERKS of this business. It’s not a PITA. It’s why I don’t feel isolated, why I protect you like a honey badger when I’m considering what to tell you about. You’re my friends. Friends chit chat.
I don’t let friends DRAIN me. Some of you have been with me awhile and know I’ve given you some tough love once in awhile. You’re still here. That shows strength and character to me. You are serious about success is what I’m thinking.
You have the wrong idea of a mentor.
I have to clear something else up that’s been a long time coming. Craig Desorcy is my mentor. He’s my friend. But let me explain how that all started. I had already made the announcement in WF that I was going to be a marketer.
I had already written my eBook about Squidoo and launched it. I was scared shitless and participating in WF, feeling like a stupid noob, worried people would make fun of me. Doing it anyway. Craig wasn’t guiding me through those rocky waters at this time.
It was once he saw I had potential and was WORKING IT that he offered some insight and help. He’s seen a million IM panhandlers suck his time dry – and he wasn’t going to waste anymore.
But even then, he guided me, but we weren’t close friends right away. I appreciated him, but I didn’t KNOW him. I asked questions and he did help. But I never emailed him broad “guide me” emails. I had specific questions, like, “How do I get the eBook sent to them automatically?”
He’d help. Some things I’d try on my own. I might screw them up then turn to him and he’d help me straighten it out. Over time, he just became a friend so dear to me – even if he didn’t do a thing for me the rest of my life – that I feel like he’s part of my family.
I remember once when he changed emails. It was in between the “acquaintance” mode and “friend” mode. I was feeling close to him – so appreciative. He’d gone about 5 days without answering emails and I assumed he just didn’t want to communicate with me anymore – maybe I bugged him. I cried over it! LOL!
Over time, even with my “mentor” – I started using my own insight. I started outsourcing tasks to others when I could afford it. Instead of begging Craig to install Jrox Jam, I paid extra money and had them do it. I don’t want to hog his time – I respect him too much and if I can save the money and do it, I’ll do it.
Point is – Craig never once said, “here’s your business model, Tiff.” He helped me with specific tasks. He also reinforced my ethics. But I never asked him “What do I do” as far as making money. I figured that out on my own – eBooks, affiliate marketing, ghostwriting, etc.
Now I’m even kicking his butt a bit. He’d a supreme mindset helper. I mean the man’s ethics and mind are something I’m in awe of, so him being in the self help niche is fate as far as I’m concerned. So I made sure he got Geoff’s Kindling course and I will nag him till he’s on there changing lives like he’s done for me.
My point is – don’t ask for a mentor. Find what you need to do, and befriend people who you admire. Don’t leech off them, but take what insight you can from them and work hard to find your own answers. It’s the #1 best way to learn.
And you’d better not stop emailing me niceties and even your worries. That’d be a big insult to me if you turned on me like that.
Tiff
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Posted in Career
Nothing but love for you, Tiff.
I appreciate you.
Right back atcha Scott!
Hey Tiff,
I have to say the message you put across in the mail and the accompanying blog post was just the kick in the butt (can I say that here?) I needed.
You tell it like it is. That’s why I read your mails.
-Mike
Good Mike. I need them myself sometimes!
I got what you were saying — there is no free lunch so get off your duff and do some work and stop with the Shiny New Object Syndrome. If we’re doing the tasks you suggest and following the plan and have questions, I know you are more than willing to answer. Sometimes I email you to get clarification or just because something you said made me want to reply in an email rather than here. Here’s a hint everyone — read what Tiff writes and model your actions on what she’s doing because it works — and it’s not rocket science — it’s good old fashioned work (I know that’s a 4 letter word for some people hee hee). Tiff is successful because she works — she makes time for her kids and hubby — but not for SNOS — so get to work (I was talking to myself just then!).
Yes I don’t mind emails and I’m glad you didn’t misunderstand that
So it’s ok that I’m gonna keep hearing the “Get a room!” phrase from my brat cause I talk about you all the time? Check!! ;P
Fine by me! LOL
Good! Cause he says he feels like he knows you now too.
In fact, we were discussing the Arms Treaty they’re trying to pass to include our personal weapons and he told me to ask where you stand cause he wants to know! LOL
I’m Texan. There will be no sanctions by foreign (or domestic for that matter) forces who take away my right to bear arms. EVER.
Good. Cause that’s what I told him. We are definitely on the same page!
Got to say on that one, if you’ve ever been in the position of having someone you value hurt or killed, you’re not going to have a lot of patience with folks who think that disarming yourself is the solution. There are times when you face a more serious situation than an ugly comment on Facebook…
I always learn something from you Tiff! Thanks for pouring yourself out for all of us!
Thank you Tiff
Hi Tiffany,
I understood what you meant and what you said today and yesterday makes a lot of sense. It can be draining when people who aren’t making any effort are wasting your time. Through your blog you have given a lot of help, some stuff that is worse paying for so I appreciate that.
I go through that though I’m sure not on as large of a scale as you, so I can see where that would be annoying and it cuts into the time you can help those who are working hard and the way you help us all through your blog.
I personally have had some bad experiences with asking marketers for help even though I paid them for products and it might have been something I was unclear about, so because of that I try to be helpful to those who need me but one big thing I have learned with all of this is that if I don’t respect my time, no one else will either. I can’t be productive if I have no time left for myself.
I also have those who talk to me online as a friend and I make time for that because getting to know people is important, especially when it’s no motive to use me behind it.
I am more selective now with who I spend my time on when people ask for help because people will waste your time and energy without a second thought and after you do help them, they are still doing the same nothing they were doing before. Or they don’t believe the answers to what they ask unless it comes from a “big marketer.” I don’t have time for doubters and time wasters.
People have to be willing to help themselves before anyone else can help them. There is no magical answer that can make a lazy person work.
Yes it helps getting to know people better because it’s motivating and helps us create better products for our friends.
Oops, meant worth, not worse LOL.
Tiff,
You don’t have to worry about my bugging you like those panhandlers. When I need help it is always genuine. I never ask for general info anyway.I usually ask for specific stuff when I need help. I’m very detail-oriented and like to do things my way first. When I fail to accomplish what I start, only then do I turn for help.
My father told me when I was young that you learn by doing. That is what I practice all the time.
Thanks for being there and giving of yourself when you can. Much appreciated.
Harry
Harry you’re great at it – not a PITA to anyone, ever.
Thanks sweetie. You’re one in a million, or maybe trillion.
While your message rang through to me, I figured you would get those that didn’t quite understand. You are awesome for being so willing to get to know and help people and I’m glad you are reminding everyone that your time is valuable. It is easy to get bogged down by all of the people that don’t quite understand what your time is worth and that you are taking time out of important work/family time to help them. I know with me I don’t mind doing it, but I hate it when I feel like people are taking advantage of me by asking for help when they won’t help themselves.
Loved your post on it Amanda. Feel free to post the link here.
I will always e-mail for an opinion or advice…because I trust you.
I appreciated your e-mail because it reminded me that if something isn’t working, it must be something I’m not doing. Whether I’m not following directions, or plain out not giving it 100%. If I ask myself honestly if there’s more I could be doing, the answer is always a yes.
No one is forcing anyone to walk down the IM path. If I want it badly enough, I will find a way. It’s my responsibility to make that happen…nobody else. You’ve done it and earned it. I understand why you have little tolerance for laziness, whining or a free ride.
Thanks for the reminder and motivation I can rely on!
Enjoy the weekend with your peeps!
Email anytime Mary
Mary, got to ask…why on earth do you have your privacy policy and cookies listed SECOND on your posts? the immediate impression is that you have no more to offer, and that’s just not so…but its a bobble that’s not up to the quality of the rest of the site
Well, I have it listed so as not to get into trouble – lol! Thanks for the input about your impression…time for tweaking!
Tiff, you are the best-
Jennifer
Thanks Jennifer You too!
Tiff I’m in awe of how much you achieve each day/week. I know how much time it takes to read and respond to all your comments (sometimes hundreds), respond to emails, fit in work and family and stay sane by day’s end. (I still think you must be triplets!)
I’m having a blah time at the moment work wise so I’m having ‘me time’ instead. I have some very heavy duty personal stuff going on so I’m in need of this right now. I know I’ll come back rested and inspired when everything is sorted. Then I will use you as a role model once again and try to achieve just some of what you do each day.
You do what you need to do. I’ve had those times!
((hugs))
Tiff,
One of the MOST important lessons I’m learning is that I have to find the right model that works for ME. I have a couple of Amazon niche sites that just sit there and every now and then, someone stops by and buys an item. So I know Amazon niche sites DO work. What I must do if I want to see more sales is learn why my site doesn’t covert as it could and what else I need to do in order to see success. Since IPK is no longer sold, I am seeking an alternative program to help me along the way. But no matter what system I purchase, I have to work it!
I can say that as a new internet marketer, those who are honest and aren’t seeing ANY success want to know how you do it. I know from experience that you want it so badly that you just reach out for that answer.
What I want to share with others is that I’ve had success on Clickbank, Amazon, Adsense, and affiliate sites such as Linkshare and Shareasale; however, I still work my 9-5 everyday. Each day that I come home, I work at my sites a little. Why, because I WANT to be successful. Trust me, I’m not bragging, because I’ve been doing this since 2008. I’ve probably made about $800 in that time frame, due in part to SNOS. But don’t focus on the measly $800, focus on the fact that I made $800 online by using the same techniques that others use.
My suggestion to fellow marketers is to find a model you’re comfortable with and work it. I can write, but I really have to build up my skill and confidence before opening a plr site. However, I love creating WordPress themes so that is where I’ve placed my focus. Explore the talents and knowledge that you have and see how you can use it to start an online business.
Do a little research on your niche. See what people what to learn about it. Then see how you can spin it and develop a following. Sometimes, it takes building an audience to find what it is you should be doing, which can be done by blogging. What I mean by that is, lets say you’re an early childhood development teacher, use your skills to help others learn how to take care of children. Start a blog. When you have an audience that’s drooling for more, create an ebook. Partner with an illustrator and create children’s books that can be sold on Amazon. Add in Adsense and affiliate products for additional revenue streams.
As an internet marketer, people want to know what to do, but why not spin it and say what NOT to do. Jot down what’s not working for you. List what you did to correct it and how you turned it around. BOOM – you’ve got a new dummies guide to marketing so to speak.
In internet marketing, you’ve really got to think outside of the box. Stop asking other people what they’re doing and how they make money. Discover your OWN unique way of doing things and make it work for YOU.
The bottom line is, people want information and they pay for it everyday. What information can you provide? Others can tell you what to do, just like I have in a couple of examples here, but ONLY YOU can put it to work and make it happen.
Thanks TIff for always giving to others and caring enough to share, because you could easily sit back, watch us fall on our faces, and work behind the scenes. And thanks for letting me share with others on your site. You are greatly appreciated!
Cynthia
Thanks Cynthia! You said that perfectly. I always Frankentiff business models anyway – I have to do like you say and make it my own
I am amazed that that others may have misunderstood your mail. I found it clear, concise and to the point. AND I agree with what you have said. To my astonishment, I have been getting rather a lot of Skype requests asking for help, often regarding subjects I have little knowledge about.
I think it’s guilt – they worry I’m talking to them
Well, my very first mentor when I stepped in IM for the 1st time was an Indian IM’er who’s virtually unknown in Guru scene, never charge hypey $2000 product — but was very very generous to give tons of free lessons, as if he never afraid to lose something by sharing them. I naively thought that every marketers I’d sign up in the future will behave like him. But NOT.
There is no free lunch out there. And a mentor is meant to give a map. I have my first map from this Indian guru. But anyone have to walk the path of the map, and even creating their own map.
I’m agree with you that a “mentor” is not to be drained or leeched. YIKES!!! What everyone needs to success in IM is actually a solid map in their mind, not some “quick cash system”. I learned this the hard way!
Love,
Dora
Glad you found someone good Dora
Sorry I’m late commenting on this. Life happens when we aren’t looking, and it takes time to get it straight again.
I understood your first email, but this one definitely clarifies things so that no one can misunderstand.
And I want to say thanks for all the replies to my emails. I don’t turn to anyone until I have tried and tried again, but it is nice to know you are there for a quick question on occation.
Linda
I sure am Linda
Anytime!
Well, dang, I thought paying attention was being mentored.
I do intend to participate in this challenge, if possible, and I think it is. I am going to be a bit late getting started. Don’t have a blog set up yet, not prepared, but I’ll get there.
Good news and bad – the cardiologist told me yesterday that the abnormal EKG was a false positive that was probably caused from the lung/breathing problems and issues. Then, he said, and I quote, “Now go out and live life in the fast lane.” I thought blogging with you might be considered the “fast lane.”
My elder son said it did NOT mean that I could drive on the left side of the Interstate. (They created that lane for me.)
Now, one more medical procedure, this week, which I start prepping for tomorrow, and hopefully I’ll only have the PT weekly and all this other stuff will be done. I am loving reading all the other posts. You have an awesome list, Tiff!
ALRIGHT Ruth! Excellent news!