Hi everyone! Ever wonder why many experts turn a deaf ear to you when you email them or comment asking for help? It could be because you’re a consistent liar.
“But I’M not a liar!” you sit there frowning.
Um, yeah some of you are – many times. You’re a liar if you go around flashing your victimhood repeatedly and crying, “I don’t know how to…” like it’s your reason for not succeeding.
And this describes ME for many years (okay even to this day in some circumstances). I just bought Time Warrior by Steve Chandler and it’s full of individual short chapters so what I did today was randomly flip it open to a chapter to read – highlighter in hand in case I found anything good that spoke to me.
Chandler kicked my butt all the way to next Wednesday! I LOVE it. He said all these people who say, “I want to be a ____ but I don’t know how to _______,” are using their victim story. And here’s what got me – he said:
“And why would I want to help a liar like that?”
Ouch! But he’s so right. I’m going to tell you that most gurus don’t even answer their own email – the reason is because they don’t have time to go through them all, yes. But they also get tired of them.
Behind the scenes, I’ve seen people get really annoyed or even make fun of people with their sob stories. I myself have felt that way on occasion - not making fun of people – but where I wanted to grab them by the shoulders and slap them so they’d snap out of it.
And this is NOT about the people who email me once or twice or even have valid questions they need help with. These are the people still contacting me 4 years later with the same sob story about why they can’t do something.
Chandler says you don’t “have to ‘know how’ to do something…” you choose to do it.
This took me back to Craig’s call where he was telling me about an example of TRYING to pick something up. We always say, “Well I’ll try.” But the way we say it is already so self-defeating it’s pathetic. Me included!
I’m sure Craig gets sick of hearing ME say, “I’ll think about,” or “I will…someday…maybe.” God even in the Warrior Forum last night, people were saying, “Tiffany you could have a coaching service that doubled or tripled your income – but why don’t you?” Um, “I don’t know how…” right? “I’m not ready.” I’m playing the victim.
My son the other day said he would try – on something I knew he needed to do, so I said, “There’s no TRY – you either can do something or you can’t.” You can’t TRY to pick up my yoga ball. You either can pick it up, or you can’t.
And if you CAN’T, well then guess what? You work on things – build your muscles or figure out a strategy – until you CAN. Or you walk away. Or you keep coming to me saying, “I want to pick up that yoga ball, but I don’t know how…” wanting me to do it for you or something. You know what needs to be done.
There are some people who email ALL of the “experts” in IM with their same sob story – literally. They must mass email to see which one will cater to the victim mentality and lend a helping hand. We all compare notes.
And you GO there with them initially. You say, “Oh I’m so sorry, sure let me help you…” and then when that person comes back with another easy question, repeating the same sob story (in case you forgot), and again, then you start going, “Hmm – figure this shit out yourself.”
Once in awhile you get a question from someone who wants to do something – and they have a sob story (we all do – me included). And you give them that one beam of support and WHOOSH! They’re off flying – surpassing you, in fact! You never regret helping those people.
It’s normal to want some camaraderie in this business and some fellow brainstorming or guidance or motivation.
It’s also normal (but not good) for people to use their story as their excuse. And when you get in a position where you get hundreds of emails – sob story after sob story – some days, you just want to have some tough love with people.
You all see my own stories and excuses openly here. I tell you if I’m scared shitless or feel unworthy. And at the same time, I can kick your butt where my own strengths lie. And you guys kick mine, too. LOL!
The key is to recognize when you’re playing the victim card and stop doing it.
You know what we all need? We all need a little inner Rob Tidwell in us. Rob Tidwell is Cuba Gooding Jr’s character in Jerry McGuire – LOVE that movie for business motivation!
When he’s on the plane and Jerry (Tom Cruise) has basically declared himself a loser and is giving up, Rob grabs him by the hand, starts making it dance and says, “Anyone else would have left you by now, but I’m sticking with you. And if I have to ride your ass like Zorro – you’re gonna show me the money!”
Well guess what? We have no Rob Tidwell – we just have US – and we sometimes need to ride our own ass and show OURSELVES the money!”
Internet marketing is not a school. You don’t get to walk up to the teacher in most cases and get one on one help for nothing – MOST people charge for that. You can buy courses and books, and implement – but there’s no requirement for anyone to be your babysitter.
And no one wants to help someone who ENJOYS being chained to their sob story. There’s a difference between someone who wants away from it and someone who seems to relish the fact that they have a reason not to get out there and work hard on their own. As if their path shouldn’t be filled with the same potholes the rest of us had to hit along the way.
And no matter how sad you think your story is – how helpless you feel – I guarantee I’ve heard worse. Stuff that made me unable to sleep at night. I like to throw my own pity party, but you won’t see me approaching others and asking them to put themselves out for my sad moments.
I’ll work it out on my own. Spend time finding answers. GOOGLE. Buy courses. Stuff like that.
How about you – have you ever had an expert tell you to go do something on your own? Kind of kick you out of the nest? Or not even respond to you? Do you think victimhood played a role in that? Are you sick of hearing your own sad tale? I know I am with something specific. And only I can change things.